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My Encounter with Common Death
If you know my family, you know
that we have a dog, Genni. Genni is a mix of Lab and something … no one
knows for sure. We adopted Genni from the local animal shelter in 1992.
They thought she was born in November of the previous year, so we assumed
her birthday was Thanksgiving Day. She was all black, with just a spot of
white on her chest. Since she had that black and white combination, and
since she was a mixed breed we named her Generic, Genni for short.
She was 16 years old and
yesterday I had to have her euthaniased. That was my encounter.
Genni had been incapacitated for
three days, barely conscious. She was struggling breathing at this point
and so it was time. My daughter didn’t want to have anything to do with
this task … she just couldn’t bring herself to deliberately kill Genni.
She loves Genni very much. So, I got a neighbor kid to help me load her
into the back seat. I drove her to the local vet. They came out the back
door with a stainless steel cart and we loaded her on. We were all very
gentle with her. She was just skin and bones at this point. They invited
me to come in the operating room. I did.
Then it happened … they asked
me the question I wanted to avoid. They asked me if I wanted to stay while
she was euthanised.
I froze
Not just my body
But my mind
I was torn
Should I stay with her … would
it matter … is it best to leave … how would I handle seeing her die
… how would I handle seeing death?
I don’t want to
see death.
I don’t want to
be near death.
I don’t want to
experience death.
I hate death.
I left.
I took off Genni’s collar …
stroked her head and behind her ears for a while … then I looked in her
eyes and said, “see you later.” I don’t even know why I said that.
I called my daughter just to see
if she changed her mind and wanted to see Genni before she died. She
didn’t want to have any part in this.
I went home. I cried as I was
driving home. Because a life was ending … right now … as I was
driving.
In 1 Corinthians 15 the Bible
has this:
Then,
when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never
die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
"Death
is swallowed up in victory.
O
death, where is your victory?
O
death, where is your sting?"
For
sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power.
But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord
Jesus Christ.
And then I hear Jesus say this
in John 11
"I
am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live,
even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never
ever die. Do you believe this, Martha?"
Jesus could have said, do you
believe this, Tom?
Having Genni die showed me that
I’m still afraid of death. After following Jesus for 28 years,
experiencing my life changed, experiencing how Jesus changes others lives,
believing in the real bodily resurrection of Jesus, believing that Jesus
will someday return, believing that there is a real heaven I will be part
of … I don’t feel very victorious over death.
The interesting thing about this
is that I don’t have a choice about dieing … I do have a choice about
how I deal with it.
I want to deal with it.
I want to deal with it with
faith.
I want to deal with it with the
experience of God’s love for me.
Just some thoughts,
-tom
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