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Seven
Helps for Effective Communication
#1.
Be Available-Be Ready to
Talk when They’re Ready.
When
you make yourself available to someone, you give him or her a sense of
importance. If you want to
successfully connect with them, allow interruptions in your schedule!
One
of the biggest myths going today is the myth of ‘quality’ time. You get
quality moments by spending larger quantities of time with people.
Out of quantity comes the quality.
The
other major myth is that ‘it’s the big moments that count’.
The truth is, it’s not the big times people remember most, it’s the
consistent small moments that will mold their lives and nurture your
relationship with them.
#2.
Be guided by love.
#3.
Determine to be a Good Listener and Determine to Understand.
A
Good Listener is someone who:
-
Gives
the speaker their undivided attention
-
Maintains
good eye contact
-
Uses
body language to signal continued interest
-
Doesn’t
think they know the other person so
well that whatever they have to say can be predicted.
-
Doesn’t
interrupt
-
Attempts
to affirm the speaker’s feelings
-
Asks
probing questions and practices ‘active listening’
-
Addresses
personal ‘communication barriers’
Consider
these principles taken from Proverbs:
-
Proverbs
29:20 - Speaking hastily is foolish.
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Proverbs
11:9 - True understanding leads to freedom.
Failure to listen hurts the other person.
-
Proverbs
18:13 - Don’t interrupt.
-
Proverbs
18:17 - Our goal should be to listen first, and present our own perspective
last.
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Proverbs
18:21 - A controlled tongue brings desired peace.
-
Proverbs
16:32 - The virtue is not in who ‘wins’.
It is the process of communication that is often more important than
the outcome.
-
James
1:19 - THINK before you speak.
#4.
Determine to Talk With the Other Person Rather Than At Them.
Check
your motive in communicating.
Are
you focused on making demands? Self-expression
is not dialogue.
Are
you showing the other person respect?
-
How
do you sound to the other person?
-
How
do you know you were understood? (Blue is not always ‘blue’)
-
Misperceptions
are the problem of the speaker as well as the listener!
Take
a look…
-
Proverbs
28: 25 - Check your motives!
-
Proverbs
10:12 - The wrong attitude will only make things worse.
-
Proverbs
25:8 - Pray about things before confronting others.
-
Proverbs
29:22 - Confrontation done in anger usually leads to sin.
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Eccl
5:3 - Fools talk a lot. Wise people listen more.
-
Proverbs
10:14 - Insisting on being heard is foolish. Listening makes more progress.
#5.
Determine to be Self-controlled.
Here’s
an interesting observation -The louder the speaker’s voice gets, the less the
hearer is able to hear!
-
Proverbs.
12:16 - It is smart to have a ‘tough shell’ at times. (see also Prov
19:11)
-
Proverbs
14:29 - Patience always leads to better understanding, while impatience
always leads to negative results.
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Proverbs
21:23 - Guarding what we say is always beneficial.
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Proverbs
15:1 - If you are really interested in communicating, answer softly.
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Proverbs
15:18 - Issues can never be solved in anger.
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Proverbs
20:3 - Resist the urge to quarrel.
#6.
Determine Not to Hurt the Other Person.
This
doesn’t mean you should avoid discussing things you know will hurt (Proverbs
17:10; 28:23; 29:1). It means that
you avoid being hurtful.
Avoid words packed with value judgments such as:
“That’s ridiculous”, “How absurd”, “That was really
stupid”, “That’s a waste of time”, “You never…”,
or “You always. . .”
Truthfulness
is imperative. Ephesians 4:25-32 is the perfect model of Godly
communication. Putting off all
“falsehoods” involves not only blatant lying, but also includes the intent
to deceive by telling half-truths or intentionally misleading the other person.
-
Proverbs.
15:28 - Weigh your words and the possible consequences of using them
carefully.
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Proverbs
18:6-8 - Harsh words to others will eventually be destructive to you.
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Philippians
4:8 - Always build one another up and never tear one another down.
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Proverbs
18:21 - The tongue has the power of life and death and we need to always
guard it.
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Proverbs
12:18 - The spoken word has the power to either heal or to wound.
#7.
Be lead by the Holy Spirit.
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Galatians
5:15-16,19-23, 15-16 tells us to refuse to nit-pick. Don’t be so proud of
your own opinions that you fail to see your own falleness. Good listening
provides what the Spirit itself gives: Patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Why
is it hard for us to deal with conflicts the right way?
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